JohnstonJournal.com | The official website of Jeff & Nozomi Johnston

The Clarinet, by Zack

I started playing the clarinet in late September of my 5th grade year (2009). I chose the clarinet because I really like the sound. It sounds like a hollow tube, and it sounds beautiful. I take band lessons at Christian Academy in Japan (CAJ) 3 times a week. I have a band teacher that teaches the whole class together. His name is Mr. Ekstrand. And I also have a private teacher once a week, and his name is Mr. Tarter. He is really nice, and I learn something new each time.

The clarinet consists of 5 parts when you take it apart. It looks like a black tube with many silver keys on it. I am renting mine from CAJ.

The first song that I learned in September was called "Stranger on the Shore" by Acker Bilk. It was the song from the movie, "Mr. Holland's Opus." I learned it by listening to it many times on YouTube.

(Note from mom: I have to say here that Jeff and I were quite impressed! He had just begun playing, and he was able to listen to it and imitate it immediately on his own. I think he has a good ear for music! Now he has been playing for almost 4 months, and we think he's pretty good:) )

I like to play the Pink Panther theme song, and I love composing music, too. I have to practice for at least 20 minutes every day of the week.

I am very glad that I chose this instrument for band.

If you want to watch the video of Acker Bilk playing "Stranger on the Shore," the first song that I was inspired to learn, click here...

(This is a continuation of my previous blog post, Third Culture Kids, Part 1, summarizing what I learned through Becca McMartin's TCK seminar at Christian Academy in Japan (CAJ), so please read that post before you read Part 2.)

When the speaker Becca McMartin (pictured with me) left her "home" in Haiti and returned to her "passport country" of the United States to go to college, she shared that there were many people there to welcome her with open arms. They were SO happy to see her, and kept implying things like, "Aren't you glad to be HOME? Welcome BACK to where you belong!" type of statements. People were overjoyed to have her back, but she was dying on the inside. America was where her physical appearance (very fair skinned and very blond!) fits in, but not her heart. Her identity had become so Haitian, that it made it very painful to return "home" to America. And not too many people could identify with that.

However, Becca said that the funny thing about TCK's on any college campus is that within the first week, all of the TCK's will have found each other. And they will have shown each other photo album after photo album of their various cultural adventures. And of course, the inevitable party with all the ethnic foods represented in the group. "Ahhhh," they breathe a sigh of relief. "They understand me. I belong."

Her story helped me to understand more regarding the identity formation of TCK's. There are some "classic" options that the kids end up choosing as their form of identity:

• One is the culture that they currently live in.
• The second is the "passport culture", which is the parents' country.
• The third option is that they will choose NOT to identify themselves with any culture, but would choose a common activity/hobby/talent, and that would be the child's identity.
• Another option is for the child to always say, "I'm OTHER." This child knows enough about each culture that he would choose, on purpose, to dress or behave differently enough to not fit in. Because he feels different on the inside no matter what location, he chooses to let everyone know it by appearance and behavior.

When "normal" people are asked, "Where are you from?," there is usually a very simple answer. "I'm from Texas"--and that is what the person identifies himself as--a Texan. Simple and straightforward. This is where I'm from, no question about it. When TCK's are asked the same question, there is usually a very detailed explanation first of where they were born, where their parents are originally from, and how long they've lived in the current culture and why, and a further explanation of which culture they most identify themselves with and why, and how many languages they speak. It's a running joke among TCK'ers to say that it takes them 15 minutes to answer that seemlingly simple question.

The challenge is the fact that "no group represents all of who they are." You can pretty much fit in anywhere, which means you don't fit in 100 % anywhere, either. There is never a place where you feel like you completely assimilate and totally belong... which leads to loneliness. Further complicating their identity is the issue of the parents' opinions and loyalties. When the mom and dad are really wanting the children to NOT forget the ways of their passport country, they may go overboard in forcing them to wear the "traditional dress" of the country for photo shoots, or attend cultural celebrations that the kids really don't care to go to, or Saturday school to keep the mother tongue, etc....

We had some really great interaction with the various parents of children who attend Christian Academy in Japan, and we discussed the following ways in which we can encourage our children's global identity:

• Understand they will be different; they will never be a "normal" mono-cultural person, and that's okay.
  
• Each child in your family will be different.
• They are not you. Don't expect them to be.
  
• Give them space to try things out. DON'T FREAK OUT when they do!
• Honor the different parts of them; encourage them all.
• Help them develop a broad, global self concept.
• Empower them to live fully in all of who they are, their full self with all their gifts.
• TCK's find home in relationships. Be a stable, relational family.
  

All this information, of course, got me really thinking about how I responded as a TCK, and how my identity was formed. A typical thing that happens is that identiy formation for TCK's are often delayed. It takes a long time for that person to figure out, "Who am I, and where do I belong?" I think this was true in my case. It took me a very long time to come to terms with my banana-ness (i.e., yellow on the outside, white on the inside).

I moved to the United States when I was 8. My parents placed me and my 2 older sisters in a regular public school as soon as we arrived. We spoke NO English whatsoever. My first cultural experience was meeting Mrs. Copeland, my 2nd grade teacher. She hugged me at the door of the classroom. That was my very first hug, ever! After a while, I remember being able to say clearly, "I can't speak English well because I've only been here for 3 months." That's pretty good for 3 months! I went from the lowest reading level to the highest in a couple of years. Even with the language acquisition, though, I was teased constantly, every single day of every single year of elementary school. They'd make fun of my name, my eyes, and my nose. Seriously, not one day went by without someone reminding me that I was Japanese (in a negative way). Naturally, this led me to not like being Japanese very much, and I began to reject, in my heart, my passport country.

I went through middle school and high school speaking English outside of the home, and reverting to Japanese as soon as I walked through my door. I felt American, thought like one, and behaved like one. By the time I was attending Columbia Bible College, my identity as an American was so strong that even though God gave me a heart for missions, I'd think to myself, "Anywhere BUT Japan." I never attended prayer meetings for Japan, and especially did not like missionaries who had gone to Japan... they drove me nuts.

Even my attempt on summer missons to teach English in Japan left me confirming the fact that my identity was very strongly American. That summer, I took a photo of myself standing between the 2 flags to represent the confusion that I was feeling on the inside. It was around this time that I met Jeff in college, who had just returned from teaching in Japan for a year and was all excited about meeting me, a Japanese person. Instinctively, I gave him the cold shoulder and ran the other way for 2 years!

Well, to make the very long story short, God obviously changed my heart in major ways, since I ended up marrying that boy. Jesus helped me to find my identity as a CHILD OF GOD! I belong to Jesus! I have a place of citizenship in Heaven. I became certain of who I am in Jesus Christ. I learned to CELEBRATE my banana-ness!! And of course, there is the whole other story about God's call on my life to go to Japan as a missionary, but that's for another time. The focus right now is the fact that my identity crisis had been resolved as a young adult, even though it took a very long time.

I love both parts of me... the American and the Japanese. I wouldn't change this experience for the world.

Hello, my name is Nozomi Johnston, and I'm a TCK.

TCK is short for "Third Culture Kids." The definition is "anyone who spends a significant amount of their developmental years in a culture other than their parents' culture." That would be me, and that would be Zack and Ellie, along with everyone who attends Christian Academy in Japan (CAJ).

This past week held many "Aha" moments for me and a bunch of moms and dads who attended two eye-opening seminars at our school regarding the basic profile of a TCK, and their identity formation. Our speaker, Becca McMartin (pictured) is a TCK herself. Her parents are from America, but Becca grew up in Haiti, went to college in the States, and then worked in Eastern Europe. She was very qualified to come and teach us about how TCK's feel and what can be done to encourage them when they experience identity issues, and fan into flame the wonderful characteristics these children possess.

There were many points that she covered, but I'll share with you some things that struck me the most....

TCK's are "Cultural Chameleons." They learn to be highly adaptable (not by choice, but for survival) to situations that are 180-degrees different from what they were used to. They learn to be cross cultural, and are able to determine instinctively how to "behave" appropriately, depending on who they are talking to in which cultural context. While adults have to take classes on cultural do's and don't, kids are able to do this flawlessly and go "in and out" of cultures beautifully. I've watched Ellie and Zack bow in apology to the Japanese on the street when they bump into them accidentally, while they'll naturally just say "sorry" to Westerners.

TCK's have extremely high observational skills. Again, we watched Ellie do this when she entered Japanese Kindergarten as soon as we moved to Japan. She had no idea how to blend in socially, so her observational skills kicked into high gear. Her eyes were like radar scanners, just soaking everything in from corner to corner. TCK's do this whenever they enter into any room. You could almost hear the gears turning in their brains. "Which culture is this? Which language? What are the social norms in this context? Okay...got it!" --and they enter the room and are able to blend in enough not to stick out.

Obviously, TCK's have amazing linguistic skills. Zack, who only takes Japanese 3 times a week for about 30 minutes each, knows enough so that he usually figures out what I'm saying to my Japanese friends! I can no longer use Japanese as "code" to keep secrets, because now he'll say, "Mom, don't tell them that!"

One thing that I truly appreciate about my TCK-ness and for our kids is the gift of an expanded worldview. They have seen firsthand how vast this world is. California was not the center of the universe! There are countless variations on how people think, speak, and behave. And to have so many friends from different continents of the world at the international school is an amazing blessing. And to see the HUGE love that Jesus has for all people groups, no matter what color, language, or culture.

Along with the many positives are possible challenges that come with being a TCK. Because of the high mobility of TCK families, the children experience an extreme amount of feelings of loss. When we moved to Japan 2-1/2 years ago, we tried to prepare the kids the best we could. We talked about the wonderful things we'll get to do and see in Japan. We also talked about the many things that we will miss in the States. However, I was not prepared for the DEEP GRIEVING and the intense feeling of LOSS that both Zack and Ellie would feel. For Zack, he grieved for the normal, the routine of everyday life. His school, friends, food, church, apartment, car--his entire life as he knew it was taken away from him. The way he grieved those losses came out in anger in various forms. He would get mad at very small things. He would just melt down when he could not do certain tasks. I often made the mistake of focusing on his surface behavior and said, "Why are you so mad about that? You shouldn't be angry!" However, Jeff was able to take many of those moments to say, "Zack, do you realize that you are not really angry that your pen broke?" Jeff asked Zack many questions to help him voice his deep sense of loss. Zack was allowed to say, "I miss LaVerne Heights Elementary School. I miss my buddies that I hung out with. I miss..." and the list would go on and on.

For Ellie, her sense of loss and grieving were all placed on one thing: our cat Samantha whom we had to leave in California with a caring friend. Sam represented everything that was precious to Ellie. The cat was a part of "home" that she remembered, the cat represented California, and her loved ones. Every day, she would say, "I wonder how Sammie is doing? I wonder if she still remembers me? When will I get to see Sam?" She drew pictures of Sam, wrote poems and stories about Sam, asked to look at Sam's photos, and talked about her constantly. That was how she was coping with the loss of moving and becoming a TCK. This is why it was so very devastating when we got the news recently that Sammie had died. It would not be an exaggeration to say that a part of Ellie's heart died that day. That is how closely she had associated herself with Sam the cat = home. It was that day when Jeff and I realized that our children were experiencing, for the very first time, the HIGH COST of being a missionary kid. Some of you may be thinking, "It's just a cat!" Yes, but again, this helps us understand the emotional impact that TCK children go through.

Something that Becca taught was very helpful to me. She said, "For TCK's, the feelings of losses and grief are inevitable. But it's the UNRESOLVED feelings of loss that will cause problems in the future." I am praying that we have allowed Zack and Ellie to talk openly enough about their struggles to the point of resolution. I know we're not "done" with this issue, and will face them head-on once again after we move back to the U.S. Thanks to the seminar, I feel just a little more equipped to help them understand their emotions.

There is a book called "Raising Global Nomads" by Robin Pascoe, which describes ADULTS who are grown-up TCK's:

• Alert, intelligent and geographically aware
• Mature, sensitive, skilled at listening
• Likely to exhibit tolerance and cross cultural understanding
• Flexible and open to change
• High achieving
• Drawn to careers associated with service to the community or world

She encouraged us parents by saying that even though we may not see these characteristics NOW because our children are still young, to know that by God's grace, they are BECOMING the wonderful TCK's that the Lord has blessed them to be. As missionary parents, we sometimes struggle with "what have we done to our kids" type of thoughts, especially when we see them hurting emotionally. As cliche as this may sound, I truly do believe that they will thank us 20 years from now:) Becca reminded us that Redeemed TCK's are the most amazing people you will ever meet!!

I have much more to say about "Identity Formation" of TCK's, so please go take a bathroom break, get another cup of coffee, and read on.  Part 2 coming up..

For the second year in a row, we got to celebrate New Year's Eve with Tim and Wakako Clark, who are fellow Asian Access missionaries. They were in town from Hokkaido (up north), so it was fun to welcome them to balmy Higashi Kurume:)

Okay, we have to admit... even though it was REALLY great to see Tim and Wakako, it was REALLY, REALLY great to meet their new adopted son, Makoto!!! We've seen lots of pictures of him, but he was even cuter in person. What a blessing it was to see this family who was matched up by God Himself. It was easy to see that Makoto belongs with this mom and dad.

Makoto the confetti-head

Happy family of 3

It was an honor to have Jack-in-the-Box himself join us for the festivities!

Tim had to take Makoto out for the loud popper time

Happy New Year, everyone!!!!

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